Feedback From a Reader

Caroline signing copies of 'Her Name Is Alice' at Gays the Word, London.

It's not quite a fortnight since my book Her Name is Alice was published. Honestly, after the stress of the pre-publication interviews, publication day was a bit of an anti-climax. My team at Harper Collins took me and my agent out for a bite to eat, and then onto Gays the Word to sign a few pre-order copies. But I cancelled later celebratory drinks, planned with a couple of girlfriends, and took the train back to the suburbs for a quiet night in with my husband. For several days I was subdued and lethargic but I couldn't sleep. I ruminated about whether I had done the right thing. Would Alice really be proud? Perhaps, but to me, my exposing of her, of myself and my family will only be worth it if the book does what I want it to, change hearts and minds (yes, I will keep repeating this). More than that, its mission, my mission, is to provoke conversations that lead to real change

I am not a patient person, I don't like learning things that don't come naturally, I don't like putting in the effort now, for rewards later, I want results yesterday. So when it comes to managing expectations from the release of my memoir, I'm not that well equipped. I am needing a lot of reassurance. Which is why I'm so grateful to my agent for suggesting I include a website reference in my book. It was originally added so I could have an easily updatable page of resources available to readers (rather than a printed un-editable page at the back of the book) but has come into its own in an entirely unexpected way.

As I added a 'contact me' page, I wondered, would people reach out to harass me? Uncharacteristically, for someone troubled by anxiety, I didn't linger on that question too long. I wanted people to be able to reach out if they wanted to. And reach out they have. In today's blog I want to share one message, that captures perfectly why I wrote the book.

"Dear Caroline, I have just read your book, I could not put it down. It has completely opened my eyes to my previous ignorance of the plight of trans men and women. You write with such honesty and frankness about Alice and I truly thank you for sharing your lives with the world. I have been a funeral director for many many years and this has given me one of the biggest insights into raw, real grief that much of my 28 year career has taught me. I googled Alice after I finished the last page and her photos were just as I had imagined her from the pages, a beautiful young lady let down by the system but never by you. Everything you did and felt you didn't do for Alice was for the love of her & anything you do/have done for the right reasons can never be wrong. I am sure that the greatest privilege of your life is being her Mum. I wish I could have met her. I wish you the very best as you wade through your grief and thank you again for sharing Alice."

I appreciate this message on so many levels. It forgives me my mistakes. It talks of Alice in an open and positive way, treating her memory with care, talking about her as one would talk about any child, not shying away from her because she is no longer here. But mostly for this sentence, "It has completely opened my eyes to my previous ignorance of the plight of trans men and women."

This is why I wrote the book. It is changing hearts and minds, one reader at a time. I am told books like mine rely on word of mouth recommendation to do well. So, dear reader, if you have read the book, or even if you haven't, do share this little anecdote and spread some hope.